This article belongs to the fictional series Especies Urbanas, authored by John William Wilkinson and published on Sundays on the La Vanguardia website.
Due to the blatantly partisan nature of politics throughout Spain, the only unavoidable requirement of their lordships to occupy a seat is to know how to count to three. Better said: distinguish the number of fingers -one, two or three- raised by the spokesperson of your formation to act then record your vote by pressing the corresponding button. A raised finger equals a yes; two fingers, a no; and three, to abstention.
There is no more. Not even their lordships have to have the remotest idea of what is voted for, except on the rare occasions that a moral question invites a secret vote, such as the day the Parliament approved independence. Or maybe he did not. Who knows.
A raised finger equals a yes; two fingers, a no; and three, to abstention
Be that as it may, one would say that even a toddler could easily occupy the seat of a deputy when voting. "Let's see, pretty girl, how many fingers do you see here? One? Go on, then press button one. "And that's it: the creature catches him instantly and never makes a mistake, unlike his lordships, who apparently get along pretty badly with arithmetic.
For some time now The personal coach Sandra Coca i Bestit, neighbor of Vallcarca, noticed this anomaly. A brief investigation in Google was enough for him to understand that he had just found what could be the business of the century.
With a minimum investment, he would set up an academy in which there would be individual cubicles enabled as a parliamentary seat. On a screen in front of the student would be a hand that would turn from one side to the other showing one, two or three fingers, as the spokesmen of each party do, and all they would have to do would be to press the corresponding button.
The enrollment of a three-month course would amount to 3,000 euros
The enrollment of a three-month course would amount to 3,000 euros. Those who passed the final exam, which would be based on a devilish speed test – a dozen votes in the space of one minute – would be given a diploma from the Coca Academy signed by some former student deputy / an enthusiast of the method.
Sandra's friends and even her own family tell her that she is like a goat. But she answers with incontestable statistics and examples of blunders mistakes made by the deputies. Whenever it is necessary, he takes out his iPhone, with which he can show through a selection of press articles and videos that not only nothing has been invented, but that the Coca Academy would make an invaluable patriotic work.
An example. On March 24, 2011, the then-new president Artur Mas made a mistake when voting on the fourth amendment of an ERC motion in favor of an independent consultation organized by Barcelona Decideix, when in that section CiU, his party, opted for abstention.
As if to prove that nobody is perfect, in the same session could not press any button Joan Puigcercós, president of the parliamentary group that promoted the motion, for being late! Indeed, the deputies only have a margin of 15 seconds to first confirm their presence and then cast their vote.
That day they were wrong to vote almost all the formations
Years later, in the month of April 2016, the president of the Parliament, Carme Forcadell, announced that "The Parlament is not a fish market", perhaps because it sensed that their lordships would not last even five seconds in the frantic auctions in the port fish market. Anyway, in that session the one who arrived late was the spokesman of the coalition of lefts, Joan Coscubiela, who delivered after the deadline an important documentation. That day they were wrong when voting almost all the formations. Coscubiela ended the day by reproaching the deputy of JxSí, a certain Roger Torrent, for not understanding anything. Even so, it was clear that this young man pointed out ways: he is the president of the Parlament since January 18.
Hence the peremptory need, for the good of the country, to count as soon as possible with the Coca Academy, especially in these times of elections every two for three, holograms, plasma, directing leaders or telematic voting. Your friends can already laugh. Sandra is convinced that they will stand in line to register the most ambitious and savvy of a new generation of politicians eager to occupy the seats of those who never knew or vote without making mistakes or much less governing.